The Missing Chapter
by R. Scott
Summary: Death is never the end. It's just another chapter.


**Not sure about this. One shot- The Doctor contemplates life as death approaches. Enjoy**.

* * *

"_Do you ever sleep?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Do you dream?"_

"_Sometimes."_

"_What do you dream about?"_

"_You, mostly."_

The breeze was warm and inviting, yet refreshing and new and so unfamiliar. From the North…the North wind, bringing change and fortune, or misfortune, transforming the fleeting lives of so many in it's wake. Her voice was on the wind. Carried across universes. Ghostly and haunting and beautiful. For him and him alone.

_"What are you thinking about?"_

"_You of course. You are all I think about."_

"_That can't be true."_

"_I don't fear it. I don't embrace it. You're just there. Inside. Calling to me."_

"_What will you do?"_

"_Find you. I'll never stop searching."_

"_And what about her?"_

"_She can begin to find herself again."_

He wasn't sure if it was real. Snippets of conversations, real or imaginary, confusing and clear, enter his head. Short. Meaningless. Nothing ever made sense inside his head. 

"What will you do if you find her?"

Jack was sitting beside him, staring at him, thinking, hearing, seeing the world for what it is. Reaching blindly for the horizon felt better with someone else restraining you that small fraction, helping you. Being your eyes.

And his question…the truth was, he'd never thought about it. He'd never thought about after. About the future…all that ever could be.

"Tell her." He answered simply.

"Oh. You never told her?"

"Yes and no. I told her with every smile. Every embrace. Every lesson. She knew."

"Are you sure?"

No, he wasn't sure. He only hoped, and false hope only lead to bitter disappointment.

He didn't answer.

"What about Martha?"

"She can begin to find herself again." He said immediately, the words sounding too familiar and he knew he'd said them before somewhere, somewhen.

"And me?"

"You…you can live."

"Forever."

"No."

"So I'll die eventually."

"Everything does. Everything comes to dust."

"_All that was, all that is, all that ever could be. Does it hurt?"_

"_I don't see it anymore. Only you. Don't you remember?"_

"_Hardly. Just...small bits. Fleeting memories. Meaningless. Like lives."_

"_Your life isn't. Your's means everything."_

"_And what of death?"_

"_Death is never the end. It's just another chapter."_

"What if she has a life now?" 

"She…she won't." It hurt him to say it, like a knife in his back.

"She might."

"I was her life."

"You were a lot of people's lives. You take them and change them and leave them, you cause tragedy. The Oncoming Storm. Leaving so much pain in your wake."

"Pain defines who we are. You move on. You become stronger."

"I should have known you wouldn't care."

"Of course I care. I live with that pain constantly. They wither and die. They're lost and I made them so. I care too much, but I hide from it."

"You care…yet you care more about her that anyone else. Why is that?"

He didn't know.

"I don't know. But I will when I find her again."

"And if you don't?"

"I won't give up. I can't."

"_So now you have something to strive for. To live for."_

"_You were always who I lived for. Who I fought for. Who I died for."_

"_When did I do this to you?"_

"_When you took my hand. When you cried. When you smiled. When you told me."_

"_I'm sorry."_

"_Don't ever be sorry."_

"I can hear her, Jack. All the time." 

Jack looked at him with shining eyes full of sorrow.

"I can tell." He said "I see it."

There was a long pause.

"When did this happen to you?"

"When I took her hand and told her to run with me."

"_So love is really mans greatest foe. His greatest weakness."_

"_His greatest strength. It…defines life."_

"_But it's destroyed you."_

"_It hasn't. It's just another chapter."_

"_Like death."_

"_Like life. Like you…"_

"_I miss you."_

"_I love you."_

He closed his eyes and listened to the wind. He heard Jack. 

"Goodbye. Good luck." He said. He sounded tearful. He sounded lost.

"Don't get lost." He whispered back. He sounded weak and finished. The end of the road.

"You too." Jack said, a bittersweet smile in his words.

"I'll find her."

"You will. She's coming, Doc."

He smiled, thinking of past adventures, of past loves and lives. He thought of Rose.

"_Look at you. You've been through so much heartache. Why?"_

"_To find you. And I did. I found you."_

The North wind took his voice. Took his breath. Leaving change in it's wake. 


End file.
